Casey Cease

Today was a pivotal day for Steph.  While she still is having a lot of memory problems due to the induced coma , she has bounced back in an amazing way.  She was moved to a chair this morning, and while she was visually groggy, she was able to have more coherent conversations.  I was able to recount the events that landed her in the ICU and what ultimately led her to having to give birth to Abby via C-Section at 35 weeks.  When I told her that Dr. Rawson (THANKS, JON!) turned around from his vacation and came back to deliver the baby she began to cry with tears of gratitude.  I then helped her to begin to, how do I say this in a non-embarrassing way for my single friends, provide nourishment for Abby via mechanical devices (pump), which led her to bring a bit of her snappy wit back into action.

I was able to get the nurses to bring Abby back up to the room for a bit this morning.  However, Steph had to wear a mask and started having trouble breathing relatively quickly.  So, they had to take Abby away from her again.  Later in the day Steph asked me when she could meet Abby…  Her memory is still not all together.  She remembered the events that happened that led to her being put into the coma, giving birth, etc., but she thought they happened last night.  Her concept of time is still out of whack.

As the afternoon wore on, she said she wanted to walk again and that she was tired of sitting.  So, the nurse and I got her up, along with her shopping cart full of vital sign monitors and oxygen and we went for a walk. She walked around in the hall and went way further than the nurse expected!  It was a HUGE step for her.  We are praying that she will be moved to a different floor tomorrow or Thursday.  Braelyn cannot visit her next, and they both want to see each other.  We want our family to be all back together again so badly.

This evening I was walking out of the hospital with our dear friend Catherine Haskew, and we saw the Labor & Delivery nurse who noticed that Steph was in danger on Friday night.  Had she not stepped in when she did… I cannot even think about that right now.  She came up to me and asked how Steph was and I told her the great news.  She looked at me and said, “Well, now that I know there is good news, I want you to know that I was expecting bad news.”  That’s when it hit, again, that I could have lost my love, my best friend, my bride, my kids mom…  I can’t entertain that thought for long.  All I can do is thank Jesus that His sovereign grace and kindness permitted her more life.  Not because she did anything to deserve it, but because that is what He wills.  It is both a freeing and terrifying realization.  God hears prayers, God answers prayers,  all glory is due to Him.

I drove home in tears.  I’m not a basket case, I’m not ‘losing it’, but I am aware that I am a weak man, who needs to take the Yoke of the Lord upon me (Matthew 11:29) and allow Jesus to do the heavy lifting right now.  I’ve had friends in the mental health arena check in on me, and I have been candid.  I am overly thankful, truly sobered, and definitely recommitted to my Jesus, my wife, my children, my family, and my church.  There is much that I need to learn from this, and I trust that nothing is wasted.

I may or may not be going back to the hospital tonight.  That’s really up to Steph.  However, I am humbled by the overflow of love that you all have shown over the last few days.  The grace of God through you has been so humbling.  We love you and we need you.

We are all busy people, and I do not want to dominate your life or time, but when you have a moment, please say a prayer for my little family.  Not only for health and happiness, but for consequence.  We want to be a family that is intentional about living for the glory of God through His Son Jesus Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit.  That is our desire, even in this circumstance.  For His Glory, For Our Joy.

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Several folks have asked if we are registered anywhere.  By God’s grace we have most of the ‘items’ needed for a baby, but we do have a registry on Amazon.  This is not a cheap solicitation, just provision of information in a macro manner, so that I can focus on my family.  To view our registry, you can CLICK HERE.

Steph is a bit more lucid today and has been able to hold Abby briefly.  She is still very confused as to what is going on, why she can’t have Abby in the room, and even where she is.  She doesn’t understand why she has to be in an ‘old lady’ ICU room (she’s currently in the negative pressure isolation room), and wants to take a shower.  It is all very frustrating for her.  When She was able to hold Abby today, she couldn’t do so very long, because she has to wear a mask, and cannot breathe as well with the mask on.  She had to give Abby back so that she could take her mask off.  There were tears, and it was hard to watch.  Please be praying for peace for her.  Pray that she will push through the pain of coughing in order to remove the junk from her lungs.  Pray that she will be able to be moved out of ICU today or tomorrow.

I’m doing okay today.  I slept at the hospital and was able to get a few hours of sleep.  When your spouse comes out of an induced coma (I guess that’s what that was, sleeping for over 36 hours) it’s not like the movies.  In the movies you see the couples holding hands, breaking into tears and telling each other how much they love each other.  In reality, there is a husband who looks like Sasquach trying to explain to his wife that she went to sleep pregnant and not knowing she would have a C-section, that the baby is okay, and that she is in the ICU.  All that Steph seemed to feel was frustration, and there is nothing I can do at this time to alleviate that.  She falls asleep, wakes up, and forgets where she is and why.  Yesterday she was trying to sneakily remove tubes and asked why she was at the circus…  I think her sense of humor is still in tact…  Please pray for peace, rest, and continued hope for me.

Our Community Group leaders at Christ Community Church are serving us by coordinating a meal schedule, and helping people know how to best help.  Several of you have offered meals, help, money, etc., but to be honest, I just don’t have the brain-space right now to handle those logistics, so Angus & Carly Furdson-Welsh have kindly offered.  If you are interested in helping out, please fill out the form below.  If you have trouble filling out the form below, please CLICK HERE and fill out the form there.

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I’m sitting in a ‘recliner’ next to Steph’s hospital bed, listening to the pumps run for the leggings she has on to prevent clots, the bubble noise from the humidifier on the oxygen, and the subtle noise of the machines that regulate the IVs.  She is resting peacefully, but is still quite wheezy.

Although she was weened from her sedation medication, she was still very tired the entire day.  She was constantly asking about Abby and wanted to know why she wasn’t in the room with us.  It took several times of explaining to her that ICU wasn’t the best place for a premie baby to be, but that if she continued to improve, they could be together soon.  I can’t imagine how tough this must be on her.

Her voice is super raspy and at times it is difficult to understand what she says at times, but I am so glad to hear her speak.  We haven’t been able to really communicate much yet, because of how tired she is, so I’m hoping that tomorrow we will be able to connect a little bit better.  I miss her, and I need her very much.

Abby is doing great.  She is currently being fed through a feeding tube until Steph is able to nurse, and is already increasing her feedings.  I changed a poopy diaper tonight while Braelyn was in the nursery with me, and as soon as I was done, another poopy diaper…  I was overjoyed to be able to do it!  Braelyn thought it was HILAROUS.  Also, Braelyn is very glad that no one can take Abby away from us, unlike our experience with adoption this past spring.

I took Braelyn home and got her ready for bed.  I haven’t been able to tuck her in over a week, so it was nice to be able to pray with her and kiss her good night. Her Meme is staying with her, and I’m up here at the hospital.  Tomorrow is another important day for Steph.

Here’s how you can pray:

1. Braelyn cannot visit Steph while Steph is in the ICU.  Braelyn is really starting to miss her and wants to see her, and I know Steph wants to see B.  Please pray for Braelyn to continue to be strong and content during these next few weeks.
2. Pray for Steph tomorrow as they are hoping to get her out of bed for her to walk around.  This is going to be important for several reasons, but the primary one right now is so that it can help stir up some of that junk in her chest that she badly needs to be relieved of.
3. Pray that they will move Steph out of ICU tomorrow.  Not only for the sake that she can see Braelyn, but also, so that she can hopefully start seeing Abby more often.
4. Pray for me.  I’m tired, and I can feel the residual effects of the stress I have been over since last Friday morning.  Even having to consider the possibility that you might lose your spouse and/or baby is almost unbearable.  God was super gracious, but I am old enough now to know that this kind of stress has consequence.
5. Join me in thanksgiving for God’s healing power, His provision, and His people.  We are blessed.